Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Last Year the Mayans Will Let Me Make New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year's to the four or five readers of my blog out there!  Well 365 days have come and gone and I am embarrassed to admit that I did not honor a single resolution that I made last year.  I didn't set foot on Canadian soil, I didn't get a spray tan, or watch "Avatar" or dress up like Wonder Woman for Halloween or even repaint my red bedroom (though I did buy the paint so that counts for something, right?).  By the way, for a full list of my failed attempt of yesteryear please refer to my blog post of one year ago entitled, "My Totally Awesome New Year's Resolutions".  However I am not one to dwell and I refuse to let my absolute failure as a maker of New Year's Resolutions stop me from making more this year.  Further, I figure it's especially important to make at least one resolution this year given the fact that according to the 5,125-year-long Mayan long count the world as we know it is coming to an end on December 21, 2012.  Thus, I have just under twelve months to do all of the things I have been planning to do the last 29 years of my life...and since I am turning the big 3-0 this April it seems only fitting that I take all of last year's resolutions, plus add some new resolutions and make 2012 an epic year.

I have decided that this year my life is going to run like a well oiled machine...with the regularity of a bran eater's bowel movements, the clockwork precision of a North Korean people's tribute to Kim Jong Il and a zest for life usually only reserved college coed on Spring Break on South Padre Island.

My first task...tomorrow I will make breakfast for my now seven-person strong household (anymore people and we're going to be confused for a commune), install our new state of the art Samsung washer and dryer and then I will swim...and do I care that it will be 65 degrees and I don't have a pool heater?  The answer is...NO!  Because this is the year of living dangerously!  (And FYI I did purchase an XTerra full wetsuit today so that I can swim in relative comfort...or at least not go hypothermic until the spring)

I don't want to get ahead of myself but if time allows I may attempt to mobilize the three children now living in my house to go around the neighborhood placing flyers in mailboxes requesting the good people of Rio Flora Place (not mentioning any names) to stop tossing their King Taco/El Taco burrito wrappers out of their car window whilst parked on the street.

Okay, well I best get to bed as tomorrow is my opportunity to put all of my D-day invasion-like strategies for making the most out of this year to work!

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